this year has already been crazy and somewhat of a mess... but a GOOD mess. The kind where God ruins your life and the plans you've made, so He can make all things beautiful.
it's about to get a lot crazier. this year will probably be the craziest, wonderful, scary, amazing, fast-paced, unknown, terrifying, satisfying year of my life.
Graduation
Pine Cove
INDIA*
Grown up job
*Yes, I'm going to India...
:)
September 8-December 8. Adventures in Missions to New Delhi. I'll be working with orphanages and leper colonies in the poorest parts of this huge city, in this country BURSTING with people who are so incredibly lost.
I'm terrified beyond belief. But I'm SO FREAKIN' EXCITED. I just know that this is NOT ME. If you talked to me at all before January, this is NOT what I planned on doing. I have never felt called to India, but that's even cooler because this is obviously the Lord. Everything has worked out in His perfect time, and I'm really just sitting back and enjoying the ride.
The next 5 months will be intense preparation... raising support of $6,000, doing paperwork, getting everything finalized. But the intense parts will be the renewing of my heart and mind... the stripping away of ALL that is Rebecca. I need Him to change me before I can go. If I went to India right now, I would never survive. I would be a total and complete mess, and it would be a selfish trip. I would never survive in those conditions, and I would be a complaining, selfish, anxious pain in the butt! And that's why I'm NOT going right now. I trust that by the time September comes along, I will not be the same person. Let's face it, I'm not the same person I was last month. Let alone last year. I trust that He will continue teaching, shaping, and molding me, and that when the time comes, it WILL be beautiful and competely for His glory.
YAY for finally seeing a part of His plan. Now I'm just holding on for dear life. Let's see where this ride takes me!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
perfect song
I found this song that completely sums up my life and what I'm learning right now. I go through so many seasons, and I always find a song that really describes it perfectly, and then I listen to it on repeat for weeks at a time. Here's this week's song :)
"Something Heavenly" by Sanctus Real
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out
one month too long?
I have taken an unintentional almost-month-long break from blogging, pointed out to me by one of the three people who read this blog. So this update is for YOU :)
*I have discovered Pandora. My new love. Obsession. How have I lived this long without you?
*My interview with AIM (Adventures in Missions) is tomorrow morning at 10:00 am. I finally applied last week for a 3 month long trip to either India, Swaziland, or Kenya from September-December. I am not nervous in ANY way, which is a wonderful feeling. I just know that if this organization is not for me, the Lord WILL point me in the right direction. I already have two other applications ready to go for 2 other organizations! So I'm really at peace with all of this. I'm just so relieved and excited that this process has started. The only thing in my mind is the money I need to raise. Every trip I want to go on for this duration is going to cost around $5000. I KNOW money is not too big for the Lord, and that's not a reason at all to not consider going. But it is a LOT of money, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to raise it all. But I trust that if He works this out and guides me toward this, He will simply continue to blow my mind and provide in ways only He can see.
*I wrote the crappiest paper of my entire life yesterday. Why? Because I really could not care less. Senioritis is at an all-time high.
*SPRING BREAK is next week. I'm going to FLORIDA to visit Lucy! That deserves a big WHOOP:)
*I finally finished the last season of Friends :) I've been working on it since January, and I'm DONE! Obsessed. That's pretty much all I've been doing, and my poor roommates have put up with me watching it, quoting it, making jokes about it, and humming the theme song in my sleep. Thank you, beautiful roommates.
(I cried like a baby at the end. I love Ross and Rachel)
*I graduate in 66 days. I've been trying to eat at new places, try out new things, and do everything that only this town has to offer. This is one of the reasons I haven't hesitated skipping class or procrastinating... I'm only going to be a college student for 66 more days. A LOT goes with this title! I plan on living it up as much as I can :) For instance, I went to the Houston Zoo on Wednesday. Skipped class. Drove to the zoo with a friend. JUST BECAUSE. It was amazing and probably one of the best days of the semester! How often do you get to do that?!
The Lord is so good... so gracious... so faithful. I feel like I've been in a fog for the past few weeks.. just going about my days without really thinking or talking to the Lord or doing anything. But He has been so gracious to me, so loving, so kind. Even when I don't talk to Him and I just sit there, watching Friends, trying to block the rest of my life out, I KNOW He's here... and His love for me hasn't become any less. I've been learning so much about grace and the cross: the ONLY reason I have life today. That really should make every circumstance and situation in my life SO TINY and not even worth my time, because HE loved me enough to do that for me. He loved me enough to die a horrible death, and He loved me enough to conquer death and bring ME life. That's so much bigger than anything I'm feeling. That's so much bigger than what my heart is sad about. It's so much bigger than the trivial things that consume my mind and control my emotions. I just need that constant reminder, and my gracious Daddy is always faithful to provide that reminder through my friends, His Word, and pretty much everything around me.
Over the weekend, I got to sit at sweets and just READ His word for a few hours. I can't tell you how beautiful and amazing that was. So refreshing. I didn't have to be with people, mastering my social life, feeling worthwhile because of how people were making me feel. My Lord completely satisfied me with His love, and drinking coffee while reading about His love was the perfect date :) I feel like I constantly need to remind myself that He is enough. How selfish is that... SO SELFISH. Rebecca is so selfish, so unworthy, so broken. She craves attention from the world. She forgets that His love is not compared to the love of any boy. She forgets that her friends don't define her. She is so quick to be consumed by her circumstances, failures, and dreams that seem unreachable. That's why I want more of Him and less of me.
My Father knows how weak and helpless I am... that's why He sends me sweet reminders of who He is and reminds me that I can simply rest in Him throughout this life. He is SO worthy.
*I have discovered Pandora. My new love. Obsession. How have I lived this long without you?
*My interview with AIM (Adventures in Missions) is tomorrow morning at 10:00 am. I finally applied last week for a 3 month long trip to either India, Swaziland, or Kenya from September-December. I am not nervous in ANY way, which is a wonderful feeling. I just know that if this organization is not for me, the Lord WILL point me in the right direction. I already have two other applications ready to go for 2 other organizations! So I'm really at peace with all of this. I'm just so relieved and excited that this process has started. The only thing in my mind is the money I need to raise. Every trip I want to go on for this duration is going to cost around $5000. I KNOW money is not too big for the Lord, and that's not a reason at all to not consider going. But it is a LOT of money, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to raise it all. But I trust that if He works this out and guides me toward this, He will simply continue to blow my mind and provide in ways only He can see.
*I wrote the crappiest paper of my entire life yesterday. Why? Because I really could not care less. Senioritis is at an all-time high.
*SPRING BREAK is next week. I'm going to FLORIDA to visit Lucy! That deserves a big WHOOP:)
*I finally finished the last season of Friends :) I've been working on it since January, and I'm DONE! Obsessed. That's pretty much all I've been doing, and my poor roommates have put up with me watching it, quoting it, making jokes about it, and humming the theme song in my sleep. Thank you, beautiful roommates.
(I cried like a baby at the end. I love Ross and Rachel)*I graduate in 66 days. I've been trying to eat at new places, try out new things, and do everything that only this town has to offer. This is one of the reasons I haven't hesitated skipping class or procrastinating... I'm only going to be a college student for 66 more days. A LOT goes with this title! I plan on living it up as much as I can :) For instance, I went to the Houston Zoo on Wednesday. Skipped class. Drove to the zoo with a friend. JUST BECAUSE. It was amazing and probably one of the best days of the semester! How often do you get to do that?!
The Lord is so good... so gracious... so faithful. I feel like I've been in a fog for the past few weeks.. just going about my days without really thinking or talking to the Lord or doing anything. But He has been so gracious to me, so loving, so kind. Even when I don't talk to Him and I just sit there, watching Friends, trying to block the rest of my life out, I KNOW He's here... and His love for me hasn't become any less. I've been learning so much about grace and the cross: the ONLY reason I have life today. That really should make every circumstance and situation in my life SO TINY and not even worth my time, because HE loved me enough to do that for me. He loved me enough to die a horrible death, and He loved me enough to conquer death and bring ME life. That's so much bigger than anything I'm feeling. That's so much bigger than what my heart is sad about. It's so much bigger than the trivial things that consume my mind and control my emotions. I just need that constant reminder, and my gracious Daddy is always faithful to provide that reminder through my friends, His Word, and pretty much everything around me.
Over the weekend, I got to sit at sweets and just READ His word for a few hours. I can't tell you how beautiful and amazing that was. So refreshing. I didn't have to be with people, mastering my social life, feeling worthwhile because of how people were making me feel. My Lord completely satisfied me with His love, and drinking coffee while reading about His love was the perfect date :) I feel like I constantly need to remind myself that He is enough. How selfish is that... SO SELFISH. Rebecca is so selfish, so unworthy, so broken. She craves attention from the world. She forgets that His love is not compared to the love of any boy. She forgets that her friends don't define her. She is so quick to be consumed by her circumstances, failures, and dreams that seem unreachable. That's why I want more of Him and less of me.
My Father knows how weak and helpless I am... that's why He sends me sweet reminders of who He is and reminds me that I can simply rest in Him throughout this life. He is SO worthy.
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